Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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