i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
