My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
