someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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