have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
