I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
