I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
