I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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