just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize