I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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