Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
