other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Operation Purity has been aborted
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
