John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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