just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
