i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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