I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
