But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize