he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
