Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
