Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
