Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize