I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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