Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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