Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
