ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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