shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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