I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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