if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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