only if we run a train.
done.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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