So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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