Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
