sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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