dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
