I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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