Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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