she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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