my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
