So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Welp...herpes.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
