Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
