i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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