he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
These tits shall not be calmed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
