so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
