Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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