she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
