Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
