Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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