Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize