Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
