i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
