you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
