very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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