I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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