I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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