Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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