omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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