I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
