Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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