Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
