Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
