I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hippo gnu deer
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
