i can't believe i had my finger in that
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
