I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
