My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
