where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
