Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
