I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
