____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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