I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
