Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
