Is it normal to miss your booty call?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
