I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize