my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
