Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
