he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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