something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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