Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
