I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
