Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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