I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
