wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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