The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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