Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
3pm strippers are depressing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
