No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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