If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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