this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who died my cat blue again?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
