Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
