I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I AM VODKA MAN
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
