does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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