i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
