She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
