me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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