yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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