I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
