I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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