I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
