When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
