Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
