Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize