literally had 100 drinks last night.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
