thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
