am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
