My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize