we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
