I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
should my penis look like a turkey
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
