you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
