So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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