Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
